a critique site for book lovers, hosted by author Jude Hardin
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Osiris' Missing Part by Mona Risk
What's the genre? What is it you like or don't like about this cover? Does it make you want to know more about the book? Does it make you want to BUY the book? Discuss.
Is his missing part an armpit? Why is he clutching his armpit? Though I think I'd rather it be his armpit then what I think of when I read the title. Dudes with no parts are not too useful in a romance.
Alsoplustoo, she looks mean. And her outfit looks weird. Makes her look like she has no boobs and a thick waist.
The shopped tat is fairly well done though I'm not sure why it fades on one side, maybe that's part of the story.
I think the title is just... pretty bad. And we need just a bit more room between Mona and Risk. I read it as Monarisk.
In case that all sounds way too harsh, let me say that the genre is very clear and it obviously has a lot of professional work in it. The title and his pose though.... that would have to change if it was my book.
The quality of the art on this cover is excellent, but the composition needs work. I agree with Robin about the armpit. It looks like he's giving himself a breast exam. Also, he's facing away from her, which seems odd to me as the direction of his body leads the eye away from the cover and on to whatever cover may be displayed beside it. Not good for marketing.
I agree with Robin about the mean woman, which is fine to have a grouchy character, but the anger in her eyes is unflattering. Her evil face will be in my mind as i read the book and i'm not sure that's a good thing, especially if she's the heroine of this story.
Monarisk. Looks like one name, yes. And i thought it was part of the title, too. I had to read it a few times to figure it out. I agree with Robin that the title needs revision, it doesn't say much about the story. But the font used is perfect. Excellent choice.
There's no doubt about the genre here. Egyptian romance, possibly paranormal.
The original title was: Osiris' Second Life, but the editor preferred the current one.
This story is based on an Egyptian legend: When the evil god, Seth, killed his brother, Osiris, cut him into fourteen pieces and spread them over Egypt, Isis, goddess of family, found and reassembled thirteen body parts. She used a human substitute to replace the fourteenth missing part where his godly power is stored. Love blooms between the charming Osiris and Isis as they fight evil gods and search for the missing organ, but the sins of his past and their consequences threaten to separate them more painfully than Seth’s mayhem.
I like the ankh tattoo but the author name does look like one word, which is confusing. I'm afraid I agree with the comments about the title. It's fine if you know the legend, but most people won't which leads to some "peculiar" speculation. And definitely the cover needs some tweaking. She does look mean.
Looking closer, it looks like he's drawing a bow or that's the approximate pose for doing that but with his body cut off like that, it does look a bit strange.
The right parts are kind of there if they're tweaked a bit but I'd change the woman's graphic if possible.
I'm with Eric. Your editor is wrong. Not knowing the legend, there's only one thing I think when I see "missing part." and without it, it's gonna be a heck of a short romance.
I also don't like the possessive on the title; it's awkward to say. How about "Power of Osiris" or "Soul of Osiris" or "Thief of Soul" or something?
I do think with a title change and some tweaking (get rid of her or modify her, do him in a different pose or crop off the armpit) it's got potential. It's certainly professionally done, it just needs help. And a new title.
Is his missing part an armpit? Why is he clutching his armpit? Though I think I'd rather it be his armpit then what I think of when I read the title. Dudes with no parts are not too useful in a romance.
ReplyDeleteAlsoplustoo, she looks mean. And her outfit looks weird. Makes her look like she has no boobs and a thick waist.
The shopped tat is fairly well done though I'm not sure why it fades on one side, maybe that's part of the story.
I think the title is just... pretty bad. And we need just a bit more room between Mona and Risk. I read it as Monarisk.
In case that all sounds way too harsh, let me say that the genre is very clear and it obviously has a lot of professional work in it. The title and his pose though.... that would have to change if it was my book.
The quality of the art on this cover is excellent, but the composition needs work. I agree with Robin about the armpit. It looks like he's giving himself a breast exam. Also, he's facing away from her, which seems odd to me as the direction of his body leads the eye away from the cover and on to whatever cover may be displayed beside it. Not good for marketing.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Robin about the mean woman, which is fine to have a grouchy character, but the anger in her eyes is unflattering. Her evil face will be in my mind as i read the book and i'm not sure that's a good thing, especially if she's the heroine of this story.
Monarisk. Looks like one name, yes. And i thought it was part of the title, too. I had to read it a few times to figure it out. I agree with Robin that the title needs revision, it doesn't say much about the story. But the font used is perfect. Excellent choice.
There's no doubt about the genre here. Egyptian romance, possibly paranormal.
Thank you for your comments.
ReplyDeleteThe original title was: Osiris' Second Life, but the editor preferred the current one.
This story is based on an Egyptian legend:
When the evil god, Seth, killed his brother, Osiris, cut him into fourteen pieces and spread them over Egypt, Isis, goddess of family, found and reassembled thirteen body parts. She used a human substitute to replace the fourteenth missing part where his godly power is stored.
Love blooms between the charming Osiris and Isis as they fight evil gods and search for the missing organ, but the sins of his past and their consequences threaten to separate them more painfully than Seth’s mayhem.
Cool Osiris, and love his ankh tattoo.
ReplyDeleteI like the ankh tattoo but the author name does look like one word, which is confusing. I'm afraid I agree with the comments about the title. It's fine if you know the legend, but most people won't which leads to some "peculiar" speculation. And definitely the cover needs some tweaking. She does look mean.
ReplyDeleteLooking closer, it looks like he's drawing a bow or that's the approximate pose for doing that but with his body cut off like that, it does look a bit strange.
The right parts are kind of there if they're tweaked a bit but I'd change the woman's graphic if possible.
Dear Mona - Your editor is WRONG, go with your original title or another one.
ReplyDeleteA missing part is an automatic fail in the romance department.
I'm in big agreement with most of what everyone has said above so it's no point in going over it again.
My followup comment got eaten last night.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Eric. Your editor is wrong. Not knowing the legend, there's only one thing I think when I see "missing part." and without it, it's gonna be a heck of a short romance.
I also don't like the possessive on the title; it's awkward to say. How about "Power of Osiris" or "Soul of Osiris" or "Thief of Soul" or something?
I do think with a title change and some tweaking (get rid of her or modify her, do him in a different pose or crop off the armpit) it's got potential. It's certainly professionally done, it just needs help. And a new title.